moving to a new country?

[PurpleDoor]

So, the backstory on this is that the boyfriend does not want to live in the US forever, or possibly in any country forever. His ideal would be to country hop a bit, probably moving every 5-10 years. I...am not so sure. On the one hand, there is a lot of stuff about the US that I am getting disillusioned with (though I'm not 100% convinced it would be better elsewhere). And I like visiting new places, so maybe moving to one would be okay too. There's also a fairly sizeable chunk of the world that I could move to with few/no visa/immigration issues thanks to a handful of inherited citizenships, so if we were to start off with one of those low-hassle countries, I feel like yeah, I could probably handle it. I've certainly daydreamed about up and moving somewhere totally new in the past, so it's not like this is something I just don't want to do ever.

On the other hand, other countries are so far away! I grew up in the US with all my extended family overseas, and in some ways I do feel like I missed out--my cousins on each side are all really close with each other, for example. Also, I feel that in some ways moving to the US was kind of bad for my mother: she has a hard time making friends, she was shut up in a house with 3 kids all day, she had no extended family to help with childrearing, and overall she wound up feeling very isolated and depressed (though, I think she had a personality that tends to be that way, so it's hard to say how much the uprooting and moving was responsible). I'm a bit scared that if I were to up and move somewhere completely new with a partner and our hypothetical future young kids, it would be a recipe for repeating that. And if I start to think about it too hard, I get overwhelmed by all the details: figuring out laws, employment, things like taxes and bank accounts and driver's licenses, possibly having to learn a new language...my head spins.

I know that some of you have managed to hop from country to country, with little/no negative consequences, so...reassure me? How did you prepare for the move and then make it all work? Get out and make friends? Keep in touch with old friends and family? Not accidentally break a dozen local laws on your first night in town?

[Barbeegrrll]

While I grew up overseas ( moving from the US when I was 9 and moving back at 15) it doesn't compare to doing the same as an adult. I did recently move from one side of the US to the other, away from all of my friends and family and all I can say is to make sure that you are 100% sure of being with your partner for the long haul. My situation was a little different, because we hadn't lived together before moving across the country, but it was much harder dealing with the problems that came up being thousands of miles from "home" and friends and family. If I had to do it all over again, and I knew that things would be different relationship wise, I would still do it ( and maybe move to another country) It sounds like a great opportunity for you!

[IrmaVep]

[PurpleDoor]

[SlipperyShade]

DON'T DO IT, IT IS A PAIN IN THE ASS.

Ok. Gut reaction over, you totally should. I unfortunately did not inherit a ton of citizenships so I can't just country hop easily and immigration is making my life a living hell and I can't even BE with my partner at the moment. BUT. If those things weren't an issue, the logistical stuff really isn't all that hard. I learned to drive, and learned how to not get arrested in a new place just fine. Parking and speeding tickets, maybe another story. :D

My biggest concern is tax issues, because the US tends to be a giant dick about it and from the research we've done, we still need to file here regardless of where I live? Or maybe we only need to file if I make more than $x/yr? We can't quite nail that one down yet. Anyone who has good advice about this, please speak up.

Besides, nobody is saying you have to go and move to 5 different countries over 20 years before you realize that it's not for you. You'll know once you've relocated once if the place is a good fit/if you'll have the energy to attempt it again/if you just want to move back to the US. Why not try it?
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[PurpleDoor]

[chelsea_belle]

I moved to the UK for a bit after college and I had fun, but really missed the US. Although I wanted to be there, loved the adventure, there's something about the comfy familiarity of one's home country that can't be replicated. Home is home, you know?

I won't speak to the legal/financial aspects of the ex-pat life, but I'm sure it can be done relatively easily. Otherwise there wouldn't be lots of condos in Mexico occupied by Canucks and Americans year round!
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[checkersumthing]

[SlipperyShade]

[ashular]

This is super interesting to me, as I've been out of the country for two months on an extended vacation, and I'm contemplating moving here longer term (I'm trying to figure out a 50-50ish split, maybe a little more one way or the other.

I went out to lunch with a bunch of ex-pat ladies and learned a lot, but also realized their ex-pat lives are/would be totally different from mine. To begin with, most of them moved because of their husbands' jobs, and as a result, don't necessarily have to work. They're all quite wealthy by local standards, living in amazing apartments, going shopping, fancy lunches, their kids are in private schools, some of them don't speak the language, most of them have drivers, etc. that's all well and good if your income/lifestyle/living situation permits it, but I know that just simply would not be the case for me.

That said, I learned a lot about paperwork, and kids, and money, and all the shit that comes with being say from home. (these are all women who met while living as ex-pats in a tooooooootally different country on the other side of the world, fwiw.)

It seems like a fantastic way to go if you're up for it, but I guess simultaneously knowing that it's not always (and very often particularly NOT) easy going, you know?

Super interested in this thread as its pretty relevant to my life thoughts/moves/path these days.
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[Lassi]

I'm super interested in this thread too! My SO and I talk (as in, far off, "maybe someday") talk of moving to his home country (Australia). I'm not sure that we'll ever do it though. The things that stand out to me are:
*his job here is probably better/more interesting in terms of the science than he would get there and that's hugely important to us
*I'd be really far from my parents. I have a sister, but I'm not sure who would take care of things if someone got ill. We have a small family (me, parents, cousin, sister), so it's not like we have a huge support network. I would hate to be so far away. He has a sibling who can handle more with his parents than mine could, so we feel a bit of responsibility here.
*I'd be very far away from my sister. Not that I see her much, but I worry if something happened. Same problem.
*I'm not sure about my job elsewhere (I'd really have to learn a lot, since libraries are different things in different countries). I did learn, recently, that my degree would be somewhat transferable though. I have learned, from my last move (and having about a year before I found my "real" job), that being able to work is hugely important to me, my self esteem and my happiness.
*I feel more comfortable in the US and, at this point, I think the SO might as well. This point gets worn away regularly though as I feel less and less in touch with this country in terms of politics/government. I feel like leaving the US for travel and then coming back always makes me appreciate it more though.
*I think things like healthcare, education and quality of life might make a bigger difference if/when we ever have children. I could definitely see myself re-evaluating in that case. But then again, the parents thing might have more pull to keep us here "near" family (I use quotes because we currently live a 9 hour drive from any family).
*I don't think I would ever move (permanently, anyway) to a non-English speaking country because I feel like finding my place/friends/career would be too difficult with a language barrier. I might consider moving somewhere with Spanish or German (the two languages that I know a teeny bit of and feel like I could learn more), but I think it would make transitioning a lot harder...maybe even impossible in terms of feeling "home."

[arabella]

[PurpleDoor]

Wow, interesting thoughts everyone. And thanks for the reassurances on the tax thing, arabella!

Lassi, it's funny a lot of the concerns/thoughts you brought up are similar to mine. Especially the bit about parents. I have two brothers but I am the oldest and the girl and I guess I have always felt like I should be the one to take responsibility for the parents when they get older. Of course, I guess if that really became an issue, I could move them to wherever I was living (if we were living there longer term), or reconsider the whole living abroad thing if/when it became an issue.

I definitely have sort of mixed feelings about staying in the US long-term, I suspect much of what I like about it is simply that it's familiar. I think of all the knowledge I have that is US specific and just WHOA that would be a lot to re-learn if I moved to a different country. On the other hand, I really feel like the education system here can be VERY hit or miss, and the whole wtf??? aspect of health care also makes me think maybe it would be good to raise children elsewhere, at least for a while.

I am also a little scared of turning into an ex-pat lady who doesn't work, because I do feel that was a bad experience for my mother. Although, I think she has a very different attitude towards working than I do, and I think my boyfriend also has a very different attitude towards the value of parenting/homemaking than my dad does, so...maybe I should not worry about that so much. She is also a mega mega introvert, and while I am not the most extroverted person out there, I can grit my teeth and get out if necessary.

[mikan]

It might be because I'm on a program, but I've managed to meet some great people who are also expats living here in Japan. There are always communities in foreign countries which you can find through blogs and forums online, plus word of mouth, if you're worried about meeting people who share a common interest or even a common language once you move countries. I was a little scared about picking up and moving to Japan, but it's been a really great and eye-opening experience and I'm glad to have spent two years here. Some of my friends who I met here have returned to their home countries, but some have moved on to other places: one friend went from New Zealand, to Japan, and now he's in London. Another person I know is from the UK, came to Japan, went back to the UK, and is now moving to Singapore. Many of the people I met here also never thought about picking up and leaving their country until this opportunity presented itself, and it's been very rare to meet someone who regretted it.

I personally love it here in Japan. There are things here that the US can't provide me, but there are also things in the US that Japan can't provide me. So, I feel torn because I'm actually returning this summer and am kind of happy to go back, sad to leave, and also scared of returning. Anyway. I don't know if I could continue country hopping, but as long as you have some way to make a living wherever you do go, it's definitely a great experience and you should go for it if have the chance to.
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