SuperNaturale

artichoke · Joined: 04 Jun 2007 Posts: 1208 Location: under the stairs

I am in somewhat of a sad mood today and I would like to combat it with one of my favorite things: corny jokes. What are some of your favorites? I'll start:

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

caropop · Joined: 09 Apr 2004 Posts: 7997 Location: tejas

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
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madgeylou · Joined: 13 Apr 2004 Posts: 3383 Location: picksberg

my little sister started telling this joke at like age 5. :)

***

a girl goes into the doctor with carrots coming out of her nose and celery coming out of her ears.

"doctor," she says, "i don't feel good."

"well i can tell just by looking at you," replies the doc, "that you're not eating right."
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Specializing in dresses and sanity

gemma · Joined: 26 Dec 2007 Posts: 1527 Location: Ohio

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?

2:30 (tooth-hurty)

gemma · Joined: 26 Dec 2007 Posts: 1527 Location: Ohio

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fssshh.

weezil · Joined: 08 Apr 2004 Posts: 1017 Location: new jersey

Where does the general keep his armies?

In his sleevies!
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Crumb · Joined: 05 Apr 2007 Posts: 2395

A frog walks into a bank and fills out an application for a loan. As collateral, he offers a figurine that's been in his family for generations. Patty Black, the teller, says this is insufficient, despite the frog's repeated insistence that the figurine is priceless and is more than sufficient. After arguing with the frog for several minutes, Ms. Black calls her supervisor over to intercede.

The supervisor inspects the figurine for a moment, and is clearly very impressed with it. He tells the frog, "You are correct, sir, this is more than sufficient collateral for a loan with our fine institution." He then turns to the teller and says, "It's a knick knack, Patty Black; give that frog a loan!"

knittykat · Joined: 08 Apr 2004 Posts: 10694 Location: Here & Now

crookedtree · Joined: 18 May 2007 Posts: 1847

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
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"I tried watching downton abby. mistake. switched to ru paul's drag race." - Lacey Marie

Nemesis · Joined: 02 Sep 2006 Posts: 1584 Location: Alberta

Hickory, dickory, dock, two mice ran up a clock.

The clock struck one ...

And the other escaped with minor injuries.
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Everyone thinks I do it to make people stare, but really, it's to keep them from looking too closely.

dance · Posted: Mar 19, 2012 5:35 pm Post subject:

my kindergartner is super excited about this thread, y'all. She offer this chestnut:

Two sausages are cooking in a frying pan. The first one says, "Good night, it's hot in here!!" and the second one says, "OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"

And another...

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted. (better out loud.)
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Aryn · Joined: 07 Apr 2004 Posts: 1389 Location: Astoria NY

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO cheese!

Why don't lobsters share?
Because they're shellfish!

What is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table!!
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chupie · Joined: 03 Apr 2009 Posts: 54 Location: Yellow Springs

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick!

Bwahahahahahaha!
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LooseyMama · Joined: 07 Apr 2004 Posts: 5541 Location: Bloomington, IN

First, not a joke: I have a new favorite podcast, called "The Dinner Party" and at the beginning of every weekly episode, they tell an icebreaker joke. I get some of my favorites, including this one, from there:

Did you know I have an Irish guy living in my backyard? His name is Paddy O'Furniture.

Also, I LOVE the Patty Black one! I haven't heard/seen it in forever! Here's a corollary, but you may have to be pretty old to get it (sorry, youngsters):

This guy, let's call him Jack, has been looking for a job for.ever. His friend John drives a city bus--actually a shortbus--and he picks up a variety of special needs kids every day. John has to take a day off, so he gets Jack to sub for him, giving him a map and a list of people to pick up at each stop.

Jack goes to the bus yard with his paperwork and gets the bus, rather chagrinned that he's not only driving a shortbus, but it has a giant ad for the local PBS station on the side, huge graphics with the Muppets on the side, and Jack's not a PBS kinda guy. Still, he needs the money, so he drives the bus, following the map.

He gets to the first stop, and sure enough, there's a kid there waiting that meets the description. The kid gets on the bus, beams broadly, and says in a loud voice, "Oh HI! You must be the substitute bus driver John said to expect! My name's Ross, but I go on a special bus, so everybody at school calls me Special Ross! Special Ross, that's me!"

"Okay, umm, 'Special Ross.' Have a seat so we aren't late to pick up the rest of the people, okay?"

Jack drives further, and gets to the next stop, where two quite overweight young girls are waiting, happy to see him. The first one climbs up and says, "John said to tell you I'm Patty." And the second one climbs on and says "I'm Patty, too."

Jack looks at his list, nods his head, and says, "Okay."

At the next stop on his list, he's set to pick up the school's part-time custodian, an old semi-retired guy named Lester. Jack's not sure how the hell Lester keeps his job, as he's pretty decrepit-looking, wearing shorts and flip-flops with knobby feet and knees sticking out. He hobbles painfully onto the bus, and Jack says, "You okay there...Lester?" The guy responds, "Yep, I'm Lester Keys. Gotta problem with that?" "Umm, no, have a seat." Lester hobbles a little further, sits down and starts fidgeting, crosses his foot over his knee and starts picking at something on the ball of his foot.

Jack looks at his list and sees that Lester is the last pickup, so he heads for the school, using the overhead mirror to take one last look at the crowd collected on the bus.

"I really needed a job, but I'll be damned if I'm not here with two obese Patties, Special Ross, Lester Keys picking bunions on a Sesame Street Bus!"

(ba dump dump!)
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"Struggle is obsolete." -- my friend Barbara

IrmaVep · Posted: Mar 19, 2012 8:00 pm Post subject:

A chicken walks in to a library, strides up to the librarian, and says "book book book". The librarian thinks this is a bit strange, but the chicken repeats herself, "book book book". So the librarian gives the chicken three books. The chicken seems happy, and walks out the door with the books.

Five minutes later, the chicken is back with those books. She walks back up to the librarian, and again says "book book book". The librarian gives her three more books, and the chicken leaves again.

Five minutes later, the chicken is back yet again, "book book book". By this stage, the librarian is very intrigued, and after giving the chicken three more books, decides to follow her.

The chicken walks out the door, and across the road to the town square. There is a pond in the square, and there is a frog sitting on a lily leaf.
The librarian watches while the chicken shows the frog each book. The frog examines each book, and then replies...

"Read it... read it..."