Where did you/will you birth? + The Business of Being Born

[Pearliepie]

Rocketboy and I just watched The Business of Being Born and are considering a home birth. Sort of. Maybe. Ugh- I don't know!

Here's some background- As some of you know, I lost my mom in February after a long, long fight against biliary cirrhosis. Her fight involved a lot of long stays in the hospital. The very hospital where I am scheduled to birth RocketPie. Even before I knew that little detail I was really freaked out by the idea of giving birth, especially in a hospital setting. I don’t want to be treated as a sick person, you know? I’m going to do something that women have been doing for many centuries, not fighting for my life. (hopefully! I totally understand that things can go horribly wrong) I think it comes from seeing my mom hooked up to all of those tubes and wires, but those treatments never making her any better.
After watching this documentary, I’m even less jazzed with the idea of a hospital birth- I don’t want that epidural tube in my back, I don’t want to be forced into “pit” if I’m laboring “too slowly” or for to long, I don’t want to be hooked up to an IV if I don’t need one, and I absolutely don’t want a C section unless one of us will die without it.
BUT! This is my first baby, and my mom’s not here to hold my hand, so I kinda feel like the hospital is the safest place to be. Have I been brainwashed by the medical field to believe that even though I’m very uncomfortable with it?

After watching the movie, Rocketboy looked at me before I even brought up the idea of birthing at home and said, “You know, I always thought that home births were woo-woo and crunchy and weird, but now I feel like it’s totally normal. We live 10 minutes from two different hospitals, so it’d be safe for us to do, don’t you think?” Glitter, I could not stop crying! And I can’t sort out my feelings. It’s just so much to think about.

What are your feelings on this? Did you have a home birth? Do you think I’m crazy if I have one? Do you think that the promise of a “natural” birth in a hospital with birthing tubs in the rooms and policy of the babe rooming in with me could be true, or will I be bullied into treatments I don’t want?
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[Chiquita]

If you haven't already spoken to a mid-wife in your area you should. A good one, from what I understand, will be familiar with procedures to get you admitted to a hospital if needed and work with your OB to get you any necessary medical tests.

Doctors and hospitals are a recent addition to the whole birthing process. I don't think you are crazy but I think whatever option you choose you need to make sure you have someone close by who can be your advocate, to either fill in the mother role or make sure your birthing plan directives to the hospital are fulfilled.

I wish we had done a home-birth. My health history made that idea scary enough for the mister that I let him have his way and I opted for a hospital birth. Nothing about it felt too bad and I think mostly that was because it was my first/only child. I wish I had walked around more but hind-sight being what it is I think a doula would have been a better fit for my case.

And can I just add ... awww, what a sweet comment fro Rocketboy. He sounds totally on board with whatever you choose.

[happyhats]

I would look further into your options, both homebirthing, doing a birthing center birth, and what different hospitals are like in your area. I had two c sections, and while I believe the first was probably not a necessity and I am still not very happy with my treatment at that hospital-my second c section went lovely, I did not feel victimized, and I had a great hospital stay. Two different hospitals, two totally different experiences.

I was given the option to vbac with Nicky but opted to have a second c section because I had had a few issues in my pregnancy that made my mommy instincts feel it was best. And guess what? He would have been breech, and he sucked in some fluid, so it really was in our case. I think if you are calm and informed, your mommy instincts will really kick in.

I don't know much about the options in CO, but I'm sure with a little research you'll be able to interview different birthing professionals, and see a whole different world from "this is your hospital birth with epi and pit and c sections, and this is your all natural child birth at home".
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[LooseyMama]

Sweet friend! First, I want to give you big, big hugs because it sounds like you're in a super-emotional place of missing your mama, wanting RocketPie's birth to be wonderful, feeling grief about your mama's hospital experience, and worrying about it all. (All of these are entirely natural and appropriate and completely unsurprising emotions for you to be feeling, BTW, just amped up about 1000% because you've got pregnancy hormones coursing through your system, too.)

My advice to you in a nutshell is: find where the smart, educated-but-hippie-liberal mamas in your city go for prenatal care, and go there. They'll know your options for midwives and doulas and birthing centers and prenatal yoga ... and you'll find, among them, where you fit into a tribe. They won't be cookie-cutter clones of each other, and neither will you be, but among them you will find women who you can bond with during this super-important time. Maybe none of them will have already lost their own moms, but most likely many of them will not have their moms with them when they labor and birth, so they'll be able to empathize with you and help you find emotional support from other sorts of birthing professionals.

Given your strong feelings about this particular hospital and the unlikely chance of resolving all those feelings satisfactorily in the coming months, I personally would advise you to look for a way to have a homebirth or to go to the other hospital that Rocketboy has mentioned. Yes, childbirth is a natural mammal process, but there's a lot of emotions that affect the process, too, and your resistance to that place can equate to resistance to laboring and birthing in an easy way and end up complicating matters medically. (So says the woman who ended up with a c/section not because of medical necessity but because of her own fears. The doctor who delivered my son would completely have supported my natural birth on his shift but I was exhausted and defeated by three days within the Hospital Machine and 30+ hours of labor and interventions before he came onto his shift, so I didn't know I could trust him and fell out of trust with my own body. And I COULD have trusted him: two years later, he assisted in a super hands-off natural birth of a friend's *breech* baby, something that's hardly ever allowed in Big Hospital Machines. Of all the doctors I've ever known of, this one has more of my respect than 99% of the others, Glitter docs aside.)

Anyway, it sounds as though you've already got a huge emotional and mental investment in not getting chewed up and spit out by that sort of machine, and even if this hospital you're booked at had a magic wand waved over it tomorrow to make it Not At All That Kind Of Place, the risk:reward ratio is too great, in my opinion.

My second child was supposed to be born at home with a midwife, and in fact I did 30+ hours of labor at home with him, many of which were in a pool in my family room alongside a fire in our fireplace. We ended up driving across town to the hospital because of the tiniest of communication glitches with our midwife (Mr. M and I had quietly decided, "If our midwife tells us it's time to go to the hospital, we won't argue, we just pack up and go" but we didn't tell her that. And after 30+ hours and being fatigued, she thought that I *wanted* to go to the hospital, so dejectedly, she directed us to go there.) We crossed a few railroad tracks and potholes, my labor kicked into higher gear, I did my transition in the hallways on the way from the ER entrance to the OB unit, and within half an hour of getting undressed in my room at the hospital, I was pushing #2 son right out! It was described as the closest thing to a homebirth that one can have in the hospital. (Dammit!)

So, no, I totally and completely will NOT think you're crazy for pursuing a homebirth. And while I have zero experience with OB units within your city, I know enough about the liability perspective of hospital attorneys to know that the likelihood of you getting the natural birth you want within a hospital is slim, at best. I mean, hell, think about it: even if everything related to your labor and birth goes EXACTLY as you'd like, which would you prefer -- having your baby among the gentle lights, sounds, and smells of your own home, or having him being born in a noisy, disinfectant-smelling, spotlight-bright space, handed off to people who you may have never met before to be scrubbed "clean" and run through a series of tests that aren't medically necessary if he's not in crisis?


Just this week, the homebirth midwife who we worked with was interviewed on our local public radio station. I haven't listened to the whole show, but I invite you to listen: http://indianapublicmedia.org/noonedition/midwifery-2/


And again, big, big, big HUGE hugs from me. I wish I lived near you so I could drink some tea with you, help you with prenatal yoga, and as soon as I hear of you going into labor, light a candle and bake you a cake to celebrate RocketPie's Birth Day. One of my favorite mantras from my second pregnancy was "I will only be in labor as long as it takes to make, bake, cool and frost a chocolate cake!" (Too bad for me that I come from a mom who also labored looooooong with all of her babies, a fact that my mom never thought to tell me before she died 10+ years before I met Mr. M, and my curmudgeon of a father never thought to tell me until after *both* my children were born and I was done!)

Anyway, my sweet, be gentle with yourself as you consider your options. (And if you *do* decide to go to the hospital, I won't feel badly of you for that choice, either. Just love.)
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[snoopy]

I've had friends who had home births and they really enjoyed their experiences. One of my friends gave birth in a birthing center, which sounds like a good middle-of-the-road solution if you're not comfortable giving birth in your home, but don't want to do it in a hospital.
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[bookselves]

I don't have any babies, but, my bff is a doula and now I think everyone should get a good doula if they can afford it.

But also, I agree that there's probably lots of variety in terms of hospitals/birth centers/etc.
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[Chupacabra]

I gave birth in a large hospital that also has a birthing center. I opted not to go the birthing center route (I wanted the option of an epidural) but I think because that hospital had the more natural mindset (with tubs and balls and midwifes & doulas), even my "high risk" pregnancy was not rushed, forced, or anything bad/uncomfortable. In fact after 36 hours of labor I said "Hey, if we need to do a C-section I am ready", and they told me to wait it out even longer. They also encouraged rooming in but I had the help from the nurses if I needed. I felt extremely comfortable my entire time and I DETEST hospitals, completely skiived out and everything usually.

I do not think you are crazy for wanting a home birth. I made an educated decision to have a hospital birth after weighing out my concerns & expectations but I 100% understand why a woman would choose to deliver at home. Like Loosey said, talk it over with women in your area and maybe their experiences can help you figure out your path.
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[Chupacabra]

[ruggedchick]

I think you should have a home-birth, if you are drawn to that. I am 100% the opposite of you...I had a totally elective C-section in a hospital with a doctor and a spinal and people thought I was nuts. But my birth was exactly how I wanted to to be, I was totally happy and satisfied, everything worked out great, and that's what's most important. I believe every woman should get to have the birth that they envision for themselves (or at least attempt to, I realize that it doesn't always work out that way.)

Sounds like you are close to a hospital if heaven forbid anything goes wrong, so that is comforting for you. I have a close friend who just had her baby at home, on an island, on Lake Superior, in the middle of the night, with no way off the island. (other than swimming or perhaps rowboating.) She had a lovely healthy baby girl. If she can do it, I know you can do it!
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[Figwit]

I just had a homebirth and it was the best experience of my life! I have standard health insurance (Kaiser) but I chose to pay for my midwife out of pocket and I'm so so so glad I did. We used the hospital for ultrasounds (3 of them - 1 to confirm at 9 weeks, 1 at 13 and 1 at 20), 1 blood draw and that's it prenatally. The hospital was pissed I didn't want to submit to their mandatory drug tests so I stopped going in. Oh yeah, and at the 20 week ultrasound they told us he'd be a girl. Haha.


A quick birth story: water broke at 4:30am but early labor didn't start until around 7:30, active labor kicked in around 11. I had a water birth and I got in the tub by noon and my baby was here by 4pm. My midwife was amazing and was very conscious about not giving me too much information so I didn't need to over think anything. When I was in 'labor land' I could hear everyone talking but I couldn't respond. She said something like "would you like to catch your baby?" to my husband and internally I freaked - I had no idea the baby was so close!! R was born after very little time; it was only a few minutes of the in-and-out crowning, and I never actually pushed. My body just knew what to do and I yelled a ton but I never felt like it was "too much". I vocalized through every single contraction which really helped me focus, and being at home made it a lot easier for me to feel comfortable. My baby was 9 1/2lbs, and I did tear a little bit but only because the wrong shoulder came out first. His head was out for over 2 minutes before the rest of him came out. He was put on my chest right away and left there for a good 20 minutes until I squatted to deliver the placenta. No one but my husband and I held him for hours.

Being at home was so amazing. We just crawled into our bed and had skin to skin time for over 2 days. My milk came in within almost 24 hours because we had so much time together. Having a midwife was so special because she's become a friend, and I feel totally comfortable texting her about many things.

If you have any questions about homebirth, feel free to ask me :)
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small is possible.

[Athos]

A few things to consider...

I thought I wanted a home birth. And then I checked out my insurance - my coverage would be complete for a prenatal care and a baby delivery at in-network providers. For real. A $30 co pay for my first prenatal appt, and that was it. If I had gone to a birthing center, and ANYTHING had happened - I became high risk during the pregnancy, had to transfer to a hospital, decided I just didn't like the staff, whatever - it would not have been covered. Basically, the insurance will pay one provider for my prenatal care and delivery. If I went with an alt. route to start with and didn't have the baby there, unless I had an emergency transfer AND had the baby within 24 hours of the transfer, it would not have been covered. I didn't want to take any chances. I opted for an all-female group practice affiliated with a good local hospital.

I had absolutely no complications with my pregnancy. It would have been perfect for a home birth. Until weeks 40, 41 went by with no baby. I had an induction. I was scared and stressed because of all the anti-medical stuff I had read. With my awesome hospital, the stress was totally unwarranted.

The extensive birth plans I saw were not necessary for my hospital. We were in charge of everything the whole time. We chose our music, brought in blankets from home, had nearly complete privacy except for the occasional nurse. The hospital had tubs available if we wanted it. They did not do an IV without my consent (I did agree to a hep lock in case of emergency). We were not bullied into anything. When I said I didn't want an epidural, no one mentioned it once. Rooming in and skin to skin and breastfeeding are standard at this hospital. They had an amazing vegetarian meal ready for me as soon as I got to my room.

We all give advice from our own experiences. Now, I would pay way more attention to the individuals involved, myself, my doctors, my spouse, and my hospital, instead of worrying so much about doctors and hospitals in general.

And Pearliepie, I am so excited for you. You are due nearly one year exactly after I was! Congratulations again.

[racheli]

I had a pretty good experience with a hospital birth - the only negatives were due to the actual logistics of, you know, giving birth, not anything to do with the hospital setting. Buuuut I delivered at what seemed to be a kinda "hippie" Northern California hospital, where NOTHING was pushed at all (I asked for all interventions and was actually gently advised against some of them) and I was attended by a nurse midwife (as are 95 percent of the births with my ob/gyn practice). The only time I saw an obstetrician was at the VERY end when I had been pushing for three hours and begged for a doctor to vacuum L out, which thankfully didn't turn out to be necessary - my CNM held me off long enough so that L was born about 10 seconds after the doctor entered the room :)

My experience was very similar to Athos', in which rooming in, breastfeeding, etc. were standard and completely encouraged and supported.

If we have a No. 2 it will probably be at a birth center. Now that I am a full-time parent I have to get my own health insurance, and I'm not going to get a maternity rider for a variety of reasons. It will be less expensive for me to go to a birth center and I think it just fits my lifestyle right now. If I hadn't ever given birth before, I wouldn't feel comfortable with this (that is, delivering without maternity coverage, not delivering at a birth center), but now that I know I can do it, I'm not as worried. Non-CNMs aren't allowed to deliver in North Carolina, so unless I went with a CNM I wouldn't be able to have a homebirth (the birth center I'm looking at is just over the border in South Carolina, since it's legal there for non-nurse midwives to deliver). I'll have to see what happens if/when I get to that point, but as it stands right now, it looks like I'll definitely be going hospital-less in the future :)
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[mohawk]

Add me to the awesome hospital experience pile! I was able to have my doula-supported, natural childbirth at a hospital without any problems. I had written up a birth plan and everything, and totally forgot to take it with me due to Ruby's early arrival. But even without it, I had all my desires met. I did have a hep-loc because I was Group B+, but there was a tub I could get into, I had a ball brought into my room and was able to have skin to skin contact and breastfeeding attempts as soon as she was born.

For me, it was the time after birth that I was so happy to be in a hospital. Food, water, and juice was delivered to us. My bed was made for me. We were able to just cuddle up with our new baby and watch movies and stare at her. Then, we were able to just leave and go home to our clean house. That was crucial in those first 4 days.
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[happyhats]

At my son's birth he never left my side. They did all testing and cleaning right there, and did it very quickly with daddy while I was being stitched up. I was able to have skin to skin contact as long as desired while having my section as well (I had daddy take him for his bath and tests because I was getting shaky due to the meds and wanted to concentrate). Rooming in and breastfeeding was encouraged (but I was not chided for deciding to formula feed for various reasons).

I really thought I would be a homebirther, and I really didn't want to have a section, I thought it would be horrible. But the right hospital/environment really helped.

I was going to go to a birthing center but it wasn't opened in time. I think that everything just lined up for me to be where I needed to be, but I am a bit woo woo that way.

It sounds like you have great support from your husband, and you know that Glitter will support you no matter your path and wish you only the very best.
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[happyapple]

I've had 2 home births and both were attended by Midwives. I went into the experience with total trust that my body would know what to do (I believe that attitude plays a HUGE role in successful home births). It was the most empowering experience of my life.

As others have mentioned I'd recommend chatting with a Midwife experienced with homebirths as she'll be able to provide you with all the answers you are looking for to make a decision! Best of luck!

If you have any specific questions about my experience PM me!
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