sex: what's on your mind lately

[Kelly.]

[emeralde]

So we did it, yay for courage! A bit akward I must say, but on the whole a good thing I think :) I think none of us were really comfortable but it will get easier if we continue this I guess. We didnt talk at all about what we like and not, afterwards we mostly talked about politics and school. Very Swedish to avoid the touchy subject... I think I would have prefered spending the night, mostly to get some time to think and talk and get a bit more comfortable. But I asked him what he thought and he said I could stay if I wanted but he'd prefer to be alone becuase he had more stuff to do tonight. Maybe good to get some time to think about it on our own as well.
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"If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats."

[Scooter]

I think I just may have skedded another make out session with a young boy this weekend. Hope so. Bit of a dry spell for ol' Scooter.
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I was down South I walked into this restaurant and this white waitress came up to me and said, "We don't serve colored people here." I said, "That's all right. I don't eat colored people."

[bookselves]

Have I ever mentioned that Michael Ondaatje writes sex better than anyone, ever?

See?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A2ekfA8Kn8&feature=player_embedded
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By reality and perfection I mean the same thing.

[secretmission]

regular user, anonymous name


I've been curious lately about exploring a certain fetish. It's nothing terribly shocking, but I would rather not have it associated directly with my regular persona.

It happens that I ran across an online ad from a guy posting about the same fetish. I emailed him, from my anonymous email account, figuring maybe I should try it. I'm not in a relationship, I don't have the option of trying it with a partner at the moment and I think I would prefer exploring this initially outside of a relationship.

His post and his email are very clear that he's not looking for anything serious, which I'm not either, and that it's just about this one thing. There would be no intercourse, no PIV or oral sex. Pants and skirts on.

This is something that intrigues me, but that I'm quite cautious and nervous about of course. I would say a bit more about why this is something I'm considering, but then you might more easily guess who I am. It ties into some things that I'm working on about myself.

Short of the obvious and usual cautions with internet dating/mating, what questions should I be asking, what precautions should I take?

[irish*eyes]

Realizing with a bit of panic that my sexual dysfunction must be psychological. I'm in a healthy, fun, secure, monogamous relationship for the first time in over two years and the crazy desire I had for him has worn off, through no fault of his or mine, really, so its gotta be in my head. I see a pattern, as that is what happened in my last long-term live-in relationship.

I'm fighting it though by continuing to have sex even when I'm not really into it, and pretending I am. Because when I stop having sex altogether, then I really don't want it.

I've been doing a lot of writing and getting a bit introspective about exploring what I want for myself (yay unemployment!) and I have hit this mind-blowing conclusion that I want a female partner and a male partner. I see how various needs and desires I have in a relationship are just not ever met by men. Yet, I'm so attracted to men. And women. What to do about that, I will never know. It seems so incredibly unrealistic and selfish.
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"sex, or steel cut oats?"
~Ms. Nutkin

[rhizome]

irish - do you ever allow yourself to simply not be in the mood without calling it dysfunction? sometimes we're in the mood and sometimes we're not and a whoooole lot goes into that. cut yourself some slack. the only pattern i see is you seeing wrong in yourself that isn't there. love.

***

my back has gone out. so no sexy love for me. just chiropractic love. honest to god i feel like i would marry a stranger if they had the ability to make my back feel better.
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If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.

[Sainte Eph]

I'm feeling so good right now, I just had to share.

I have vulvodynia and my boy and I haven't been able to have PIV sex for over 2 years.

We just did it!! I seriously cried I was so happy. I'm so relieved. I honestly never thought it would happen again.

Stephanie
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No fork left behind!

[Gigi]

Sainte Eph - yay!!! I feel weird saying this, because it's about, you know, having sex with your man, but I'm so happy for you!
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"It's possible that I am a little too awesome." - Barack Obama

My Etsy!
10% of proceeds donated to RAINN

[Sainte Eph]

thanks, gigi :)
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No fork left behind!

[madgeylou]

st.eph that is awesome! i'm really pleased for you, too.

rhizome, i hope your back goes back in soon.

irish, i kinda agree with rhizome -- what would happen if you decided to stop pathologizing yourself and just be in discovery instead?
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http://www.thesunnyway.com
Personal Development to Change the World

[scarymonster]

[Liat]

Nothing interesting on my end (except waiting a little anxiously for my period to return) but way to go Sainte Eph!!!
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I truncated my name!

The Lover, The Lunatic and the Poet are of Imagination all compact.

[tinyrock]

Sainte Eph congrats!

irish*eyes My phrase for the past year or so has been "have no guilt in your desires". I've also seen it phrased "the heart wants what it wants". Try sitting with your desires and acknowledge them without judging or worrying about if it's what you're supposed to want, or if it's selfish. It's okay to look for ethical ways to get what you want, even if you want a lot.

Sweetie told me he hasn't been finding me sexually attractive lately. I am actually not too bothered by it, as I was feeling the same way until I moved into my own bedroom last week. It is awesome! I am so much more relaxed not worrying about him snoring, or waking him up when I get up in the night, or him strolling through the bedroom when I want to be alone. Anyhow, I'm going to talk to him to see if he's figuring out what's up. I'm also making some small changes like replacing ratty underpants, getting a haircut, cooking dinner. He has definitely seen me at my worst lately, now I'm feeling a bit better and able to be a better partner.
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[turbulence]