Living in line with your values---wherever you are

[knittykat]

This was inspired by the thread about being a "country mouse" or a "city mouse". A very interesting point was brought up about living in the city, with old (repurposed) buildings and being able to walk to your basic necessities, and using public trans more often than, or completely instead of having a car being a way to sort of be "forced" into living in accordance with your values about land use, mass transit, etc.

A part of me would really love to live in the city, not have to have a car, be able to walk to the grocery store and other basic errands, etc. That part of me would even sort of welcome having a smaller living space with less room for "stuff" and less ability to hoard and less stuff/space to clean.

However, I am in the suburbs. I can walk to the library and the post office. I can walk to a convenience store but walking to the grocery store isn't really feasible. There is virtually no actual mass transit system in place here--it's not just that it's inconvenient--it's pretty much set up exclusively for commuters.

I have room to garden and compost but I have made repeated attempts in the gardening direction and it just doesn't happen. Mr. Knitty makes a stab at it but we can't really count what we get out of our small garden as a real part of our actual diet--it's more "fun" stuff like fancy peppers.

Everywhere I have to go--the dentist, work, the doctor, the pediatrician, my mother's house, the grocery store, Target, the mall all requires driving. FWIW I tried bicycling to my mother's house and got stranded and had to call for my mom to come get me--talk about embarrassing!

And stuff. The more I go through stuff the more I am demoralized and embarrassed by the excess we have just in our house. The loads of fancy yarn, of delightful fabric, of stacks of clothes, toys, movies, books, dishes.....stuff! It makes me ill to think of the dollars and time and energy I've wasted buying and maintaining so much stuff.

I am more and more realizing that the suburbs are the land of the quintessential "lazy American lifestyle". It makes excess so darn SIMPLE. I work in one town and Mr. Knitty works 3 towns the other way. Bang, two cars. Two insurance payments, two gas bills, two car seats, etc. I got rid of my gas-guzzling giant snowblower and resolved to do it with a shovel, but got 8 inches of snow and I'm just not physically able to clear it--bang, snowblower (although a small, electric one). Although we have mostly new appliances I feel we are constantly on the brink of one failing and requiring replacement. Bang, several hundred dollars. I LOVE the idea of walking to the corner store and picking up just what you can carry in a granny cart or a tote bag--being limited by the ability to carry stuff. But I just can't manage a walk of more than a few blocks with a small child plus groceries---so bang, trunk loaded full of bottled water and prepackaged snacks and precooked dinners and produce that goes bad before I get to use it.

Yesterday as I was emptying the garbage cans around the house it made me sick to see that in about a week, our family of 3 filled 4 garbage bags. As I went rooting through the bags to retrieve the plastic water bottles I felt so damn BAD for creating all that waste---but when I didn't buy bottled water I never drank water because I don't care for the taste of our tap water. Plus it's awful nice to have a bottle I can cap and set down and don't have to worry about little hands spilling it.

I feel like I am running a rat race--I come home with too many bags of things and I shovel an equal number of bags of things out. Trouble is I don't really know what the stuff IS. I just am constantly moving STUFF from one place to another.

I'm really working on not shopping for recreation, buying used when I can, buying well-made good quality things rather than cheap junk, but I just feel like I have to do so much to get anywhere--and I feel like I'm swimming against the tide. And in the meantime I worry that I'm training Maggie to be another recreational shopper.

I'm sorry about this rant--it really helps to get this all out. At the same time I feel a lot of shame because I have always been a vocal (probably annoying) proponent of "if you can afford it why not?" lifestyle, with little to no concern of any impact beyond my own checkbook. I am just now coming upon the realization that my view has been extremely short sighted. I want to change. It's not feasible for me to move. I need to learn how to live more in line with the values I want to espouse and to teach my daughter, right where we are.

Suggestions?
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"Fun is where you find it" - jackierocket

[geekychic]

i feel you on this. except that i am broke right now and can't buy things. my boyfriend and i produce far too much garbage and it makes me feel anxious and upset. our roommate just moved out and i have been doing some "spring" cleaning and got rid of bags and bags of stuff..and i still feel like we have too much!!!

the only advice i have is on the bottled water. we got a filter for the faucet and it rules. in the winter the water is cold enough to drink right out of the tap, and in the summer i reuse a glass bottle in the fridge. for having it around just get a reusable water bottle. no spilling. the water from the filter tastes really good and clean.
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trying not to be afraid
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[knittykat]

[scarymonster]

Ditto on the filter!
We have a large PUR filter that goes in the fridge. Just dump tap water in the top and it filters down to clean and fresh. I totally refill water bottles all the time. That's easy enough.

I keep meaning to ask, Knitty, do you have neighbors or friends with kids? It sounds like you and kitten would really benefit from a playgroup/dance class/something to get you out of the house and interacting with more people! Shopping can be fun, but I personally am way more fulfilled by hanging out with people I like and having a good laugh. You're in Chi-land! There have got to be other mommies dyyyyying to hang out with other fab ladies and their kids.

[knittykat]

[snoopy]

One step at a time. You can do it.

I grew up in the 'burbs. Everything was so gosh darn comfortable and easy. and boring. But I couldn't get out of that way of thinking until I physically removed myself from suburban life. But... since it's not feasible for you to move at the moment (or ever?)...

Like the others already suggested, definitely get a water filter. Either the one that goes on the tap or get a pitcher. Whatever will make it easier for you to consume water. And treat yourself to a nice reusable water container, like Sigg, Nalgene or whatever. Or simply reuse a plastic water bottle. You can add some lemon, lime, mint, or cucumber to your water to add some yummy flavor to it.

As for activities to do with the Magster... that's tough. This is one of the main reasons I live in the city... there is a seemingly limitless amount of stuff to do for people of all ages, kids/babies included. Perhaps you could look and see if there are any Mommy/Baby exercise classes going on? As the weather warms up perhaps your local park has something like this? And before you know it, Maggie will be old enough to join those classes for 2 year olds and that will open up a lot more doors for Maggie (and you!).

[knittykat]

I've already thought of another thing--when my current light bulbs burn out, I'm going to start replacing them with CFLs.
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"Fun is where you find it" - jackierocket

[blissed]

I could have written this post a year or two ago. Truthfully, every few weeks I have a similar rant brewing inside me. But I've been really happy with the progress I've made, and optimistic about going further.

Small steps are the way to go. I don't think the problem is the suburbs. There's a lot about city living that can be greener, but there are plenty of good reasons people live in the suburbs. I'm in a rather well-developed suburb -- near cities, and I can walk to a drugstore and a coffeeshop and a few restaurants -- but I didn't really start to change anything until I stopped fighting where I live and tried to enjoy it.

These are a few things that have worked for me. I don't know that they'll work for anyone else, but I'll throw them out there.

Gardening: We have an organic garden primarily because we're lazy and broke. Seeds are cheap. I started with things I hated paying so much for at the market because I'd either use so little or they'd spoil fast. We began with herbs, peas, and green beans. And zucchini, because it flatters novice gardeners. We now grow a lot of carrots and beets because we've had continued success; I really wanted to grow lettuce but gave up after five attempts. We also set aside space for good cutting flowers, so we can enjoy flowers inside without paying for bouquets. Plus they bring good critters. All perennial flowers, because, again, we're lazy and broke.

The house: Making my own cleaners really helped my mindset. I despised buying all those products. I now mix up a simple and effective all-purpose cleaner, vinegar for windows, and a disinfectant, crazy cheap. The only cleaners I still get in bottles are toilet bowl cleaner and polish for the marble in our bathroom. We use rags; I wash well over a dozen a week, but then a roll of paper towels lasts me six months. We use our clothesline on decent days; the kids, oddly, love it. Aside from day-to-day cleaning, my husband and I pick one thing to do each weekend (wash windows, purge a clutter corner, fix random broken crap). My challenge with decluttering: I constantly fight the impulse to buy cute containers to put stuff in.

Shopping: My husband and I have long struggled to buy less stuff. So now we try not to buy anything. We don't go shopping without a list, and we have to come up with a really, really good reason to buy something that isn't on the list. We don't run out to buy anything without waiting a few days. The desire for stuff usually fades quickly. I really enjoy walking out of a store without spending anything now.

Less running all over the place: We follow a meal plan -- I set up two weeks in a Google calendar and repeat it, to infinity, though we certainly tinker with it each week -- and that simplifies groceries. The major shopping trip is coordinated with other errands for efficiency; we do a small midweek fruit-and-veggies run as well. When I feel the urge to bolt to Target, I sternly ask myself if I need it right now. Usually what can wait a day can wait three or four until I can do it more efficiently.

Enjoying the suburbs. We enjoy what we can walk to. Going to the park or the library is primary entertainment for us. With the kids, we like looking at people's yards, their plants, their pets. We also go to the pet store and adoption days to see animals for free. We go to a mall about once a year. Instead of making walking the second choice, we flip it: We plan to walk, and make taking the car a conscious choice.

Having too much crap: I love freecycle in our area, and I'm constantly amazed how much stuff can find a home through it. I try to freecycle stuff first, and whatever doesn't get picked up is dropped in a box in the garage for the next Goodwill run. I'm still mortified about how much stuff is streaming out of our house, but I'd rather see it go than have it piled up here. There's a lot of crafty crap I've been holding onto but haven't touched in years. Out it goes. My kids are older, and they will happily turn whatever junk we have lying around into playthings or art -- we enjoy it for a while, then out it goes. The kids go with me to Goodwill, and they always come greet people freecyclers picking things up. My 4-year-old is finally starting to volunteer things to freecycle!

Playgroups and the like: Have you tried starting your own? I'm lucky enough to live where we have some great playgroups, and I've found some fantastic friends through them. And I know a few people who, brand-new to this area, built up some great friendships basically through posting personals on Craigslist. If there are some active, local forums, try posting there. Maybe there are some crafty moms or dads who would love to get together and, say, knit while the kids play.

Sorry about the long post. Clearly, this has been on my mind! We started making changes about three years ago, very incrementally. It sounds rather grim here, now that I look at it, but the crazy thing is -- it's been fun. I like the challenge, and take bizarre satisfaction in resisting the urge to acquire stuff.

Good luck!
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All I ate was spearmint candy
Trying to change the flavor of the days
...But oh this time the sugar was dazzling

[Morgan]

Oooh, I'm really liking the suggestions here! I was going to say you need a water filter, too. I prefer the pitcher kind, because I didn't think the faucet filters work very well. It could have just been mine, but I thought it filtered too fast to be effective. Plus I liked the super cold water from the fridge. Brita & Zero Water (which I've never heard of...) both have filter recyling, but PUR does not (here's where I found that info). So think about that!
About bike riding... don't give up! It takes time to get used to riding a bike (my butt is always sore for a day or two when I start after not having done it for awhile!) and to build up your endurance, and you have to find the most bike-friendly routes to places, and learn not to be scared of cars. But it would be perfect for you to bike to a grocery store that's a bit further away, and you could buy less because you could go more often and because you couldn't carry very much! You definitely need a basket for your bike to put your groceries in. & you can get a baby seat in the back for Maggie, or one of those wagon things you have behind the bike (although I think those look like they would be a lot of work to drag behind you). Plus it's free exercise!! I love riding bikes, but Sweden is waaaaay more bike friendly than Chicago.
Maybe you can put up a note on Craigslist looking for other cool mammas who are home during the day?? It's worth a try, anyhow!
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The most overlooked thing about Morgan is that she's sort of like a really crappy version of Bea Arthur.
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[meexie]

I bought a metal water bottle and I like it - easy to clean and the water tastes good.

I'd have to look it up, but there have been studies of whether or not you can actually save money by gardening your own food, depending on how one goes about it. If there is a CSA program (Community Supported Agriculture) you can get fresh veggies and fruits, sometimes even delivered directly to you. The trick then would be to use them up, which can, I'm told, be challenging especially when you aren't really getting to choose what you get (that's part of the deal of getting what is seasonal and available). Gardening for fun - say as a way to spend time outside with Maggie - may be worth it in terms of having something to do outdoors rather than as a way to cut down grocery bills. Unusual heirloom varieties, for example.
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"I hate that they're giving tea a bad name. Tea is a peaceful, gentle drink." - Teahugger

[IrmaVep]

I'll quin-ditto on the water filter. We don't actually need one, but I don't like drinking really cold water, so I fill my filter jug up and leave it on the bench. We make a filter last twice as long as it should, because it's only really me that drinks from it. For beside my bed, down in the work room and at my desk at work I bought pretty glass water bottles from Spotlight for about $3 each. They have a wire stopper on them and are fabulous - I get lots of comments about the one at work.

In terms of gardening - start with some really simple basics rather than the fancy stuff. Silverbeet (I think it's called swiss chard in the US) is really easy to grow, and if you get the coloured varieties they are really pretty in the garden. They are also milder in taste than ordinary silverbeet (so easier on the palette if you're learning to apreciate your greens :-D). I've found that "Fancy" lettuce grows much more easily than heart lettuces (iceberg etc), and it's nice because you just pick a few leaves at a time, and if you have a few of them that is your salad leaves taken care of for about 6 weeks. You could try getting a few punnets of those from the garden centre, and at the same time you plant them out throw a handful of mixed lettuce seeds over the garden as well. If you repeat that every three weeks or so you'll have a constant supply of lettuce from spring - autumn.

As for the fabric - well, if it wasn't for the postage, I'd offer to take some of it off your hands! Have you thought about storing it in a way that is visible in an attempt to prompt inspiration? I've found one of my local fabric store is more than happy to give away the tubes they put in the centre of bolts once they're a little ratty, so I'm starting to store some of my fabric on that. What about turning some of it into clothes for Maggie - you've got a couple of years at least before she starts insisting on having what everyone else has got :-). I think if she sees you making things now, she's more likely to pick up making things for herself as she gets older.

BTW - for a family of two, we go through one rubbish bag every 2-3 weeks, plus we put out the recycling bin most weeks. I think the main key is making as much food as possible from scratch. My supermarket starting putting meat trays on lots of their veges a few months ago (courgettes, beans, aubergine etc). If I'm buying the larger veges, I take the wrapping off and give it to them at the checkout to dispose of, in an attempt at letting them know they shouldn't do it. I don't like it anyway, because I like to choose my veges for myself.

[knittykat]

Thank you thank you thank you everyone for the awesome advice and support.

I do make most food at least partially from scratch, but I can always do better. I am trying to include more veggies in our diet so I don't turn Maggie into an anti-veg like her mama :-)

I will definitely look into one of those pitchers and a nice reuseable water bottle as well. I think that might be a worthy investment to stop buying bottled water--it will pay for itself in just a couple of months. I am also going to see about getting Maggster her own special bottle since she always wants to drink out of a grown up vessel rather than a sippy.

I will make the suggestions about gardening to Mr. Knitty--he has been making some noise about turning part of our yard into a larger garden so i'm going to let him go at it and see what we can do. I just killed off a Chia Herb Garden in rather short order so maybe the plants just die to get away from me :-)

Dopey me didn't think about riding my bike to the grocery store! I certainly CAN make it there even if walking is a bit far. There is a grocery store that is a tad further away but it is bikeable. I already HAVE one of those wagon deals for Maggie--I never used it but the one time I tried to bike to Mom's and failed, spectacularly. :-)

Blissed, thank you especially for the encouragement that I CAN do it in the suburbs. I really really do like it for some good reasons--I am only a few miles from Mom (who is my daycare provider) and my job--I love my neighbors (even if they don't have wee ones). We have several neighbors with dogs Maggie can play with because we don't have a dog. AND she's less than a block away from her school, which is extremely valuable to me.

Just this morning Maggie helped me sort through some yarn in order to donate some to the zoo's family play zoo program--when we were there (on bratgirl's suggestion!) we noticed that they needed donations of yarn!

Let's keep this thread going with new ideas though--we can all use them it seems!
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"Fun is where you find it" - jackierocket

[killr]

[nap]

I'm going to 3rd, 4th, 5th the suggestion of reusable water bottles and a filter. I don't filter my water at home but I do have 2 different sized sigg bottles and 1 nalgene bottle. If you are looking for a reuseable water bottle for maggie sigg makes some adorable kids bottles that i personally love. so cute!

Do you recycle? Recycling has cut the amount of trash we produce in 1/2 (probably more). Our city provides us a bin for free.

If you are feeling the urge to go out an buy watching the story of stuff helps me realize I don't actually need what I want to buy.

Do you have a botanic gardens in your area or any other big parks? I have been going to our big park/duck pond during the day and i'm shocked to see how many moms are there with their little kids just wandering around. I normally stay for a hour and most of the moms are there for longer than I am.

eta - I forget that not everyone lives in a warm climate - this might only be good when it warms up.....

[smalltowngirl]

Yes, a filter!

Also, I think you can live in the burbs AND live how you want to live. It sounds like you are really looking to make a lifestyle change, and change is hard. Take it one step at a time.

Do you have curbside recycling? That will reduce your trash a lot!

If you are interested in composting but dont want to do it, maybe a neighbor does, or maybe your city does? You'd be surprised!

As for all the "stuff", I think that really is another issue. I know you struggle with it knitty. Its just something you have to consciously do, NOT buy things, go through your house room by room and get rid of stuff. Maybe it can be your resolution to do one room a month?

Stuff sucks your soul, I really think it does! Of course you need some stuff, but buying stuff you don't need just doesn't make you feel good afterwards, just that initial "high".

I live in the burbs (well I guess more of a neighborhood, like 50s style) but I plan to still keep my lifestyle. I can't walk anywhere but work, but that is good. And I don't think its terrible the driving I have to do b/c it is all very close, so I can get by on a tank of gas for weeks. We have 1/4 acre and we are planning for it to be our little haven with gardens, wonderful fruits, vegetables, etc. I have no intention of keeping up with the Joneses and never have. I don't find it "boring" b/c we have so much to plan and do, but then again I don't really lead an exciting life either.

It just sounds like a big life change. One step at a time!