How to be Nonviolent Tips for the Home Front

By: Bess Williamson

War is on, and there are so many things to talk about. We discuss the pros and cons at home, work and school, and some attend protests. For many, this is a hard time because we feel so distant from the many people around the world who are in danger because of political conflict.

As bombs exploded on my TV screen, I set my mind to remembering a training course I did at, of all places, the Police Department in Providence, RI, where I was working as a community organizer a few years ago.

The cops said they all used nonviolence to try to talk out conflicts on the job, both in the department and out on the street. The red-cheeked young cops with their thick New England accents quoting Gandhi managed to get me over a lot of my initial skepticism.

Nonviolence is a philosophy that contributes to a more peaceful and just world every day. It can help us get through arguments with our best friends, quibbles with our bosses, or anger at our government. Nonviolent resistance helped Mahatma Gandhi and his followers reject British colonial rule, and it helped Martin Luther King, Jr., and other African-Americans change racist policies in the U.S.

Try This at Home

A lot of people think nonviolence is simply “not violence,” abstaining when others pull punches or fire guns. Nonviolence is an active struggle against violent forces: for example, using words instead of force, or using bodies to fight without harming anyone else, like sit-ins, hunger strikes, or marches. Of course, violence is not just punches and guns, it is also hurting ourselves or others by injustice, rejection, or just plain meanness.

Nonviolence can affect the way you feel about yourself and the people you meet every day, as well as national and international conflicts.

Here are a few ways to apply nonviolence to your daily life.

ME ME ME.

I’m all that. Nonviolence can start with the way you see yourself. Being angry with yourself or judging yourself makes it easier for others to hurt you, and for you to hurt others. Remind yourself regularly how great you are, being as specific as possible (some suggestions from my own repertoire: “I file like a champion”; “My apple tart makes Julia Child jealous”).

Smile. If your high school health teacher didn’t tell you it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, I’m telling you now. It is very unlikely that smiling will cause violence.

Avoid the bad stuff. Violence is a part of our lives, so it shows up in a lot of art and music. You have to make your own decision about how much you watch or listen to this kind of violence. A woman I know whose sister was killed by her abusive husband never watches movies that have any kind of violence because it makes violence entertaining, even if the overall message is that violence is a bad thing. Others just avoid movies and music that promote violence or hatred of women, gay people, or anyone else. It’s your call—just being aware of the violence we see and hear about every day can be a commitment to looking for alternatives.

Count to 10 before reacting to something you hear or see. Those few seconds will help you handle your frustration or anger in a way that doesn’t hurt you or another person. If the conversation still makes you mad, ask yourself: “Will arguing back really help me?” Maybe walking away is the best answer.

Get crafty Most people who read this site already know that being creative is a good way to feel better about yourself and the world. Cooking a great meal, sewing a fabulous outfit or decoupaging an old cookie tin can teach the forces of negativity not to mess with you, and fortify you when you face struggles.

Everyone Else

Be nice Talking behind peoples’ backs, and clique-ishness seem pretty benign compared to military action, but quitting is also a lot easier than foreign policy. For starters, opt out of gossip and “did you see what she was wearing?” for a week. Then, next week, think about someone who might like to hang out with your crew, and invite him/her along to your next fun outing. If any of your friends look at you funny, flash them the peace sign.

Give stuff away, literally; give your friend that rainbow sweater she’s been coveting. Carry some fruit or granola bars in your bag to give hungry people. Better yet, give stuff away, figuratively. Give praise, like telling your friend she looks hotter in that sweater than you did, or give forgiveness, whether it’s a beef you’ve had for years or annoyance that someone forgot your birthday. Let someone ahead of you onto the subway, or pretend not to notice if someone has 11 items in the express lane. Generosity fights violence because it offers something positive with nothing expected in return—the opposite of “an eye for an eye.”

Be angry Being nonviolent doesn’t mean you’ll never be angry. Express your anger in a way that doesn’t hurt other people, like through art or writing, or, as the Six Principles say, by working to eliminate evil, not the evil-doer. That means not being angry at a person, but at the circumstances that allow that person to hurt others. Politically, that means fighting injustice, not individual people.

Tell people about your commitment to nonviolence, and ask for help when you have trouble applying the principles of nonviolence to your own problems. Tell your friends how they can find out more about nonviolence, and stick with it even if some question your decision. Find out more yourself by checking out the sidebar of this article. Speak up and be courageous.


Bess Williamson writes about design and the environment when she’s not getting crafty in Brooklyn

See Also

Flora Alchemy
Sculptural Crochet Primer
On the street: She is Legion